In ‘Jupiter Ascending’, Channing Tatum’s character is half-dog. ‘Jupiter Ascending’ is a total dog!
From the streets of Chicago to the far-flung galaxies whirling through space, ‘Jupiter Ascending’ tells the story of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), who was born under a night sky, with signs predicting she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job
cleaning other people’s houses and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine (Channing Tatum), a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along-her genetic signature marks her as next in line for
an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos.

Oh dear. ‘Jupiter Ascending’ is this year’s ‘John Carter’. The script is flat, the comedy is woeful, the worldbuilding is too much, with often huge chunks of dialogue virtually incomprehensible – gobbydigook names overload. And Mila Kunis, the star of the film, just doesn’t have the acting chops, and this is
something that has been noticed in previous films. Her expression barely changes throughout the film, and I can think of many, many actors who could have done a far better job. I love the Wachowski’s previous films (Matrix, Speed Racer), and I think this is easily their worst movie.
Frankly, there’s so much going on that the experience isn’t a complete waste, and I gained some amusement from Eddie Redmayne’s quite, whispering, then VERY SHOUTY performance and Sean Bean.
Gotta love the Bean. But I’d planned to see the film with friends at the weekend, and now I will recommend we see something else. I couldn’t sit through it again.
Considering how adventurous ‘The Matrix’ was (both story-wise and directorially), 16 years ago, you’d find it hard to believe the same ‘visionaries’ came up with this boring nonsense. And Sean Bean doesn’t die! The universe is tilting on it’s axis…